#5

Dad gets a little harebrained whenever he tries to run errands.
Usually because he's in a rush and doesn't have time to think straight. Because he's usually rushing to rush through his errands so he can rush to whatever event he's late for because he spent all day lolly-gagging instead of doing what he was supposed to be doing.

"Usually". That's wrong... "Always". Because he's always rushing around town like a maniac because he's never on time for anything - ever - because he always lolly-gags.

Being on time for something and going at a normal casual pace?
//system error. can not compute.

Anyway...

So I'm in the grocery store one day and my phone starts ringing and I see my father's face on caller ID:

Me: What?
Dad: Help!
Me: What?
Dad: I went into Wal-Mart (yes, another Wal-Mart story...damn that store) and wanted to buy some things, but I went to pay for them and realized - I don't have my wallet! I left it at home!
Me: {rolls eyes} Ok.
Dad: I need money! I have other errands to run. Where are you? Are you...where...what are you doing?
Me: I'm at the grocery store.
Dad: Oh good! I need money. Do you have money?
Me: Yes. Come meet me here.
(The grocery store is 3 minutes down the road from Wal-Mart)
Dad: Ok! I'll meet you in the parking lot. I'll be there in {thinks}...5 minutes!!!
Me: Fine.
--click--

Twelve minutes later I'm sitting in my car at the end of the row in the parking lot wondering, "Why on God's green earth is it taking him 4x as long as it should for him to make the 3/4 mile trip down the road?"

He eventually shows up and pulls up right next to my car so that our driver's side windows are next to each other. Yayyy.
I don't even have to get out of the car.

Dad: How much money you got?
Me: An infinite supply. {I show him my credit card.}
Dad: You're kidding... {Disappointed. He wanted cash.}
Me: What?! You said you needed money! This is money!!! It's all I have. Well.
{I look into the black hole of my purse.}
I have a dollar...twenty-five. What'll that buy you?
Dad: Give me the card.
Me: {Smiles.} :)
Dad: Thank you!
Me: Don't hurt yourself. Watch the road. Bye.
Dad: Ok! {Drives off.}

Turns out the other errand he had to run was to go to the post office to mail some letters. I suppose when he paid for postage using my credit card no one asked to see his ID or even bothered to check the name on the card because he was, indeed, able to use it.
Yayyy security.

Later when we both were at home I asked him what we got in the mail today. (We have a PO box.)
His shoulders slumped.

Dad: I forgot to get it.
Me: ??? But...you were. at. the. post. office.... ?
{Gave him my best "what is wrong with you?"/"wtf?!" eyebrows scrunched confused face.}
Dad: I know... {Shakes head, dumbfounded.} I went in straight to the clerk to pay for the postage and I just...walked right back out.
Me: You were right there.
Dad: I know.
Me: Ok?

Two. Back to back.
Lost wallet. Lost train of thought.
No money. No mail. No mental capacity.